International Gay & Lesbian Review

Arousal: The Secret Logic of Sexual Fantasies

• Publisher: Thomas Dunne Books
• Publication Date: 2002

Dr. Bader provides a fascinating overview of the intimate relationship between our sexual fantasies and our psychic health. While working with his gay and straight patients he discovered that the nature of our current sexual fantasies act as archetypes for many of our more buried childhood traumas. This is exactly how he uses fantasies both in his practice and in his exposition. They are keys to understand the workings of a mind. The book is very positive. Sex is. Fantasies, whether kept in the head or acted out, are a part of us. Hooray for us! While a careful examination of fantasies can lead to rapid insights and progress in dealing with associated mental 'problems', that progress rarely led to a modification of either the sexual fantasies or sexual actions. We may not be stuck with the pain derived from growing up, but we seem to be stuck with the resultant fantasies. Dr Bader states that few of his patients want it any other way. He makes no claims for changing sexual orientation. The bulk of the book is an examination of a wide range of sexual fantasies (or fantasy types) and a discussion of the mental processes associated with those fantasies. Many of the fantasies are ways of compensating for and protecting us from other feelings. For example, a feminist has fantasies of being raped by a powerful man as compensation for feeling stronger than the men she works with. The book is not directly a 'gay sex' book. Nothing in the cover blurbs or introduction makes reference to gay sex vs. the other kind. Nevertheless, Dr. Bader practices in San Francisco and about half of his case studies are about gay people. Somehow, to my surprise, he manages to keep the same tone and upbeat approach among all of his examples.

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